


Forward

by Cloverthirteen



Series: Circus bug ficlets [1]
Category: A Bug's Life (1998)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, This took way too long, Trans Male Character, basically my fanon timeline for francis, slim/francis if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28274493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloverthirteen/pseuds/Cloverthirteen
Summary: The one thing Francis knew about his life was to never expect anything, since almost nothing in his life was expected.
Series: Circus bug ficlets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716649
Kudos: 5





	Forward

As far back as he could remember it, Francis’ life hadn’t been _difficult_ , exactly. Just tricky. Constantly changing. Kept you on your toes. Had another person been in his position, they might not have had the virtue of being as adaptable as he was, and as such, may not have been able to handle it as well. The one thing he knew was to never expect anything, since almost nothing in his life _was_ expected.

Living in a tiny bark house in an only slightly larger town, something he had had to face for most of his life was his own family. Some of the first things he learned by himself were how to survive in his own household. When to avoid talking to his mom or dad, how to sneak into the back to get food, how to tell where he should be and how to look innocent at any given time. And regardless of everything, there was always disappointment. Francis’ dad told him on a few occasions that he was lucky to have been born. Over time, Francis would come to realize that his parents were the kind that should have never have tried to have kids in the first place.

As he grew older, he would start becoming braver. He would make excuses to stay out of the house for as long as he possibly could, so he could go somewhere, anywhere else. A tree with peeling bark that hosted a friendly apartment complex in the branches, a beach by the side of a river, an outcropping of rocks that was perfect for protection from the rain. Sometimes he would go with friends, but most times, he went on his own. Francis never had many friends at any given time for most of his life anyway, partially because it was a bit difficult for him to keep them, but also because there weren’t many people he really liked spending time with. And being prone to snapping at people didn’t exactly help.

Another thing that began to change over time was his own identity. He couldn’t tell you exactly  _ when _ it happened, just that at some point a growing sense of discomfort had manifested, rising every time someone called him  _ she. _ Or  _ young lady.  _ Or his old name…which he’s perfectly happy with no one else knowing, thank you.

He had  _ hated _ his name as a larva. And that hatred came back with a vengeance when he began to question his gender. The pages of words from human’s books that a nearby library kept for reference were a new help to someone who needed something full of names.

Francis’ pick of a new name was more out of randomness and desperation than anything else. On a night shortly before he would start high school, he snuck out to a city that was just a few minutes away by flight. While he was there drinking in the sights, a cricket had asked him, a bit threateningly, why he was out here this late. Francis lied and said that he was just on his way home. The cricket then apparently decided that he wasn’t done prying and asked what his name was.  _ Just say a fake name, _ his mind told him immediately. And then another part of his mind pushed him to try something. He went to the only guy’s name he remembered, one he had read in a torn page from a human’s book not that long ago.

“F- Francis,” he heard himself tell the cricket, using the most deep, confident voice he could in such a situation, before forcing himself out of the conversation by flying away.

Well, he remembered thinking to himself later that night, at least he was getting somewhere with his new self.

And then there was the whole situation with the musical. That was...well…it gave him a few new friends, including one that he would later come to live with, make him break down in front of said friend, and spark his decision to run away from home, in that order. It was definitely an experience.

Running away from home, as good an idea as it seemed at the time, would make his life even more dictated by uncertainty and consequence. Francis gathered everything he cared about from his house in a small bag, left a note with passive-aggressive remarks on it for his parents, and took off into the night for the city. At first, living on his own was purely an improvement; plenty of freedom, no arguing parents, and no reputation to follow him. He had successfully escaped his old life...but this new one wasn’t quite the perfect, unbarred life of independence he had dreamed of.

Francis didn’t know when it began to fall apart, only that it had reached a point when he was struggling holding it together. It became harder for him to keep jobs, and eventually apartments. His temper seemed to always be on edge, even more so than in the past. He got into fights more often. He had a few flings but never managed to commit to anything. He moved around constantly, at one point having to move to a different community entirely. But even after nearly three seasons of this, Francis never tried to seek help. Maybe he just didn’t want to look weak, or admit that he had been wrong about certain things...or a combination of the two.

The one thing that changed was him finding out the whereabouts of one of his friends.

Through a chance encounter with a mutual friend, Francis was told his old friend Slim’s new address. And he didn’t use it for anything, really… well, maybe he did send him a few letters. But he didn’t intend to do anything else through his contact with him. They had been friends in high school, nothing serious, and this was just a way to communicate with someone from his old life that he actually cared about. Nothing else would happen.

That is, until Francis’ life began to crumble to even greater extremes, to the point where he wasn’t sure if he could even continue sending letters to his old friend. And after telling this to Slim, fully prepared to have to leave him and start his life back from square one, he received one last letter from the stick bug.

Asking Francis to come over and live with him.

After mentally debating this for about ten minutes, Francis decided to accept and once again took off from his home with everything he cared about. Only now, he would have somewhat of a plan.

Francis would show up at Slim’s small but respectable house a day later, to a warmer welcome than he had ever gotten from anywhere before. And...living with Slim, Francis was a bit surprised that life could be this...pleasant. When they worked together and planned things out, he didn’t have to worry about what was going to happen after. When he lived with someone who genuinely cared about him, he didn’t fear for his safety. It was unlike anything Francis had ever had to deal with before. And it was...kind of nice.

Joining the circus with him only multiplied this mood. Both Slim and Francis had been hung up on acting after giving musicals a try, and seeing advertisements for a traveling circus sparked their curiosity. After a successful audition, they were allowed to join the troupe and met the other members, who they found were very friendly and welcoming. At the time, there were just six of them in the odd bunch--a black widow spider and her best friend, a rhinoceros beetle, a married praying mantis and gypsy moth, and two young pill bugs. Yet neither Slim nor Francis had had better friends. The environment was a bit different as well--the traveling circus life was a bit more chancy than living safely at Slim’s house, but much more stable than Francis’ utterly unplanned life in the city after he ran away.

Maybe stability was what Francis needed this whole time. He just hadn’t been getting it in the right way.

Stability would only last so long, though. One evening after a string of failures, a complete flop of a performance would lead to P.T. Flea firing  _ all _ the circus performers. Francis sulked with his friends in a bar later that night, wondering whether anything positive in his life would ever last.

It figures, he thought. Every time he thought something was finally going right, it got fucked up again, an endless stream of things appearing to change but never really getting better.

Something was going to happen, though. Well, things always happened to him. Just not on this scale.

An ant named Flik happened to be visiting the city, looking for warriors to defend his colony from a gang of grasshoppers. And by chance, he found the recently-fired circus troupe, with Francis at the lead putting on a warrior act against some flies. Francis would never think that they didn’t deserve it, given that they had catcalled him earlier, but... he  _ might _ have overestimated his ability to deal with them in that way. The ability to cover for himself like that just came naturally to him at that point, but Flik completely bought it, and asked (well, it was more like  _ begged _ ) for the whole troupe to come back to the colony. So, maybe it worked a little.

At the time, the troupe thought Flik was looking for entertainment. Flik thought they were fierce warriors. When they found out the truth, well...to say that neither side was pleased over their situation would be an understatement. The troupe had attempted to leave across a dry riverbed, but were stopped by a bird coming out of nowhere to attack. In their attempts to escape, a young ant from the colony fell into the bird’s path, and Francis, in a split-second decision, diverted in order to catch her. Francis couldn’t remember much after that, only that he and the ant (who he would later find out was named Dot) had fallen into a crack in the riverbed before he was knocked out.

When he came to, he could tell that he was no longer on the ground, but in the air being carried in something--by Dim, given the sound overhead. He opened his eyes and just made out that he was sitting in a net with Flik, Dot, Tuck, and Roll before feeling a spike of pain in his leg, reflexively opening his wings and accidentally cutting the net holding them. The pill bugs grabbing onto the net and Francis’ legs saved him from tumbling back into the riverbed--though unfortunately Flik could only grab onto his antennae. Francis remained stuck upside down facing the bird, still in hot pursuit, and after several seconds that felt like several minutes of extremely terrifying, precarious flight, Dim pulled upward and flew into a thornbush, depositing everyone onto the leaves and blocking them from the bird’s reach.

Francis sat on a leaf, shaken from the chase.  _ They were alive, they had faced a bird and were actually alive. _ He took a moment to look around and get his bearings. Along with Dim, Flik, Dot, and Tuck and Roll, Rosie and Manny were also there. Right...after he fell, he and Dot had to have been picked up by Flik, and Rosie would have made the net. Slim...where was Slim? And Heimlich and Gypsy? Wait-- he could hear something. Rosie was asking about it, too. What was it? No, wait, it was applause! The entire ant colony was cheering--for  _ them! _

Gypsy came flying around the thorn bush from the riverbed, carrying Slim and Heimlich in her arms. They were in the riverbed...had they fallen in there as well? Francis tried to get up, but the stabbing pain in his leg made him recoil--Manny had to fly him down to where the colony was waiting.

Despite the pain and shock, Francis sat in front of the crowd of ants with the troupe feeling...good. Like...the kind of good feeling that fills you up and won’t stop making you smile like an idiot. They had saved an ant, outmatched a rampaging bird, and  _ survived _ . And now they were being celebrated!

Later, the rest of the troupe would excitedly fill in Francis on how the rescue went--or at least the parts that he was unconscious for. After Francis and Dot had fallen, Flik had ducked behind a rock to stay safely away from the bird as it attacked the crevice that they had plunged into. With the rest of the troupe, he devised a plan for Heimlich, Slim, and Gypsy to distract the bird while he, Manny, Tuck, and Roll flew on Dim to save Dot and Francis. Rosie spun a web to use as a net, and they were able to successfully pull the two out to safety.

Listening to his fellow circus members tell the story, Francis could feel the emotions from earlier coming back, if it was possible, even stronger. Hearing Rosie go on about how scary but thrilling it was, or hearing Heimlich breathlessly detail his part in the rescue before Gypsy interjected with “but, then--!” before talking about how she successfully scared the bird away from attacking him. And during the whole thing, every member of the troupe told him at least twice how brave he had been for going to save Dot in the first place. It was the kind of energy that Francis hadn’t been in the presence of for...well, ever, really. When had he ever been among so many people so thrilled over something? And celebrating with them?

Flik was putting together a plan for them to use. If it worked, the troupe could help save the colony and prove themselves as warriors, and then they’d be off. They could find somewhere else to go, and then they’d be able to start again. This could really work.

Maybe this was a change. Maybe it could get better.

Throughout the next few weeks, the colony started on the plan; building a fake bird in order to scare off the grasshoppers. Flik and several of the ants would pilot the bird from the inside, and it was passed off as the circus’ invention. Francis and the rest of the troupe had to admit, it was a pretty clever idea. When it was finally finished, the troupe was slated to leave, so the ants threw a party the night before.

After all that, though, the troupe was reluctant to go. Francis hadn’t been the only one to notice the energy that the colony had given them--it was spread thick through the whole troupe. Being able to work together on something big and meaningful, seeing so many people who actually welcomed their presence, being able to use their talents and be themselves (well, mostly)… All of them had been changed somewhat by Flik and all the other ants, and it felt pleasantly invigorating. How could they just leave now?

Unfortunately, the troupe had that decision made for them. P.T. Flea showed up unexpectedly in the middle of the party looking for them, blowing their cover as warriors in front of the whole colony. Being part of Flik’s lie, they were exiled from the colony along with him, being carried away in shame by the circus trailer.

Francis slumped inside the trailer with most of the other performers, and glanced over at Flik, who was sitting on the edge. Francis could recall the feeling of hopelessness he had back when the troupe had been fired and he felt like nothing could ever get better. Maybe that’s what Flik was feeling now.

Did he feel the same way? After the past few weeks, could he?

Francis’ thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing noise in the distance, which turned out to be Dot flying--she could fly!--to meet up with the trailer. Out of breath, she frantically told everyone that the grasshoppers had returned and taken over the anthill. While everyone tried to think of something to do, Gypsy spoke up and suggested that they use the bird to drive them away. Of course!

Flik, however, seemed convinced that it was going to be a failure. Out of all the people sitting in the trailer at that moment, he seemed like the least likely person to suggest such a thing. The troupe had to talk him out of it, with Dim pointing out that Flik had done at least one good thing--he had found their troupe. Eventually Flik agreed to head back to the ant colony with the circus and a plan.

The rest of the day was...well, nothing short of eventful. Despite everything, Francis knew for sure that he had never experienced a crazier twenty-four hours in his life. They subdued P.T. so they could take the trailer back to the ant colony, then put on a show for the grasshoppers in the evening to distract them while Flik and the blueberries climbed up to the bird and piloted it. P.T. was able to break free and torched the bird, thinking it to be real, ruining the illusion and resulting in Flik getting beaten up and berated by Hopper. Flik was able to take a stand, however, and the entire ant colony came to his aid, rushing Hopper and almost firing him out of a cannon. Unfortunately, a rainstorm hit, and Hopper took off with Flik in the ensuing confusion. Everyone with wings followed, but only Atta was able to make it all the way--she and Flik returned after it was all over, when the storm had subsided and everyone else was waiting safely in the anthill. Only then did everyone else find out about Hopper’s fate.

It would take a while for everyone to recover from that night’s events, but in the meantime, winter was fast approaching, and the troupe needed somewhere to stay. The queen gave the performers permission to stay in the anthill for as long as they needed, without a single council meeting called to discuss it. It was sort of an unspoken agreement between them at this point.

Sitting in a room inside the anthill at the brink of winter, Francis finally got a chance to sit and think about things. It had been weeks since he had even  _ mentally  _ been able to. All that had happened during the past couple of months… if he prided himself on being able to handle the unexpected, that was probably the best test he had ever gotten.

But, he realized, things had changed since then. 

Never in Francis’ life did he think he would be able to do something like join a circus troupe and befriend a whole colony of ants without it blowing up in his face in the end. And yet, here he was right now, somehow having achieved both those things.

Before, Francis had thought of himself as adaptable because he could take all of the horrible things that were happening in his life. Lots of bad stuff had happened during the past months, sure, but plenty of good things had happened as well...and how well was he able to accept them now? With such a stream of positivity in effect, looking forward to the future seemed an easy task.

Maybe someday, his life would go to shit again. But for some reason, he wasn’t all that worried that it would.

The ladybug closed his eyes in the small, cozy room, and took a well-deserved rest.

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up being a lot longer than my other character studies, I didn't even have much of an idea for Francis at first but I got inspired by the SU song Looking Forward and went from there.


End file.
